She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
