sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
