I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
