Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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