dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
