I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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