please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
