I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im holly from the hills drunk
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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