Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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