I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
