I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
