I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
