do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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