I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
