Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
