We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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