The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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