the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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