When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
