you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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