How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
