someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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