Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize