Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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