do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
