I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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