I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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