You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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