It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize