We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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