Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
