you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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