So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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