6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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