Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
