Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
