Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
