I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
