There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
