Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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