Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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