now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
