i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
