i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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