I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
