I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't make out with my wife yet
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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