You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
