Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I understand Curling. That high.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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