You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize