he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
