I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
