I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
