apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
