you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
