I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize