Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
