I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
