Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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