I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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