If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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