I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
