omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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