he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
