:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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