ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
