Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
