I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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