If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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