around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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