Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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