found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
