dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
